Em. Emily. Felicia. A woman of many identities. But the one I am most proud to use? Creator of the Goats and Hoes hashtag.
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| #GoatsandHoes |
*Picture above will be projected onto Mt. Rushmore. Where I will be buried. Under the careful watch of other important
people who passed before me.*
She was a woman of many hats. Circus de Soleil dancer. Cats rights activist. Gummy bear enthusiast. 50th president of the United
States. Founder of Island Where People
Like Donald Trump Are Exiled To. She had
it all. And she did it all.
She reminded me of what it’s like to be alive. Like the time she gave no f*cks and sprinted
onto the stage to tackle Kanye-look-alike during the Broadway premiere of The Kardashians: Cry Along Version.
The time she disguised herself as a man and went onto The Bachelor (and subsequently received an award for
The Biggest Plot Twist in Reality Television History). And even now.
As I stand upon this podium, staring down at her coffin enclosing her
lifeless heart; resting below her morbid make-up done by the funeral
directors. You guys know she wanted flat
out fabulous for her lipstick color, right? Cause that definitely looked like ruby
red…
Emily was a friend like no other. She was always the first one to ask “So who
wants to get dessert?” She never lied to me about my outfit, referring to my
appearance as “literally repulsive” on more than one occasion. She was a woman of her word. If she told me she was going to finish my
leftovers, I would sure as hell find my empty container of lo mein in the trash
five minutes later. It’s difficult to
be as honest as Emily was. She even
replied to compliments with an unhesitant “I know” when she was confident that
the compliment was correct. Which in most cases, it was. Essentially, an unprecedented woman. I still have the recorded voicemail from her
detailing the time she ran into Kate Middleton and stole her hat off her silky
brown hair (which I guess smelled like a chandelier?) on my phone.
Emily, you inspire all, and anger only 75% of the people you
meet. I love you and miss you my dear
angel. And all of my future songs are
herein forth dedicated to you in commemoration of your Saint-ish life.
Your friend,
Beyoncé
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